"A Candle Loses Nothing By Lighting Another Candle" - Father James Keller

Saturday, January 15, 2011

What Men and Women Really Want: Incorporating the Real World Into Your Erotic Writing, By: Liberty Kontranowski

Who doesn’t want to know the secrets to a steamy love life? It’s a pretty safe bet that
nearly everybody is searching for that magic bullet to take their sex lives from “meh”
to “woah!” in a hurry. And you, as an erotic author, can help your readers do just that.

Interestingly enough, a lot of the spice you’ll find behind closed doors starts before the
lights go out. While interviewing sex and relationship therapists for my tell-all book, “He
Said, She Said: What Men and Women Really Want in the Bedroom,” many were quick
to point out that things like communication, connection and affirmation between couples
were key to unlocking the sexual bliss that awaits them.

So how do you incorporate that into your writing?

Think about your characters. Are any of them in committed relationships? If so, try
writing a scene where they are connecting with each other by playing a game of Wii
Sports or swimming in their lap pool. Have them communicate with each other, joke
with one another and give each other flirty compliments. Showing this dimension of your
characters’ relationship can help your readers relate to them and see firsthand how that
connection can lead to high self-esteem and feelings of security in the relationship – both
factors that tend to transfer into high satisfaction in the bedroom.

As for your single characters, even a one-night raunchy hookup can be made “real” by
having the partners show their approval and offer affirmation. Yes, your characters are
probably physically attractive, but what is it about them that makes them worthy of the
conquest? Can there be more to the situation than just sex for the sake of sex? What if
one of your characters was once overweight and has been struggling internally with body
image issues for a long time. Then he or she meets the other character and finally has
that feeling of being wanted and valued. They feel sexy, they feel desirable, they feel
validated. You can do that for your characters and impart the importance of connection
without sounding preachy or contrived.

Other things that affect a sexual relationship are daily distractions. As a writer, you
can show the importance of your male character getting – and keeping – your female
character in the mood by engaging her in flirtatious word play, a fantasy situation or
simply guiding her blindfolded into the bedroom to keep her from compulsively picking
up messes or doing those other million and ten multi-tasking things that women are
always doing. You can also show your male character cooking a nice meal or doting on
your female character (or vice versa) to round out and enhance their sexual connection.

As with all writing, the keys to incorporating this kind of information is to show, not tell.

No need to info-dump how stressed out your female character is about the kids or how
spent your male character is from working 70-hour weeks. Just a scene with a trashed
kitchen (which can be cleaned up only to be trashed a short time later by an impromptu
romp on the counter or dining table) is all it takes to show your characters connecting in
real world situations that can lead to hot, erotic encounters.

When penning your next story or novel, keep in mind the challenges we face every day
in our lives and think about how they may affect your characters and how they react to
each other both in and out of the bedroom. Relating some of these experiences to your
characters will draw your readers in and keep them coming back for more…which is
exactly what a great writer wants!


Liberty Kontranowski is a freelance writer for eDrugstore.MD and the author of “He
Said, She Said: What Men and Women Really Want in the Bedroom,” available
download on Amazon for only 99 cents.

Link for ebook:


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In accordance with the new FTC Guidelines for blogging and endorsements, Kiki Howell of An Author's Musings, would like to advise that in addition to purchasing my own books to review, I also receive books, and/or promotional materials, free of charge in return for an honest review, as do any guest reviewers.